Entertainment

Saturday 23 September 2017

The bluffer's guide to the week's cultural highlights

Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades of Grey
Ireland and Italy, the Six Nations
Bob Odenkirk in 'Better Call Saul'
Darragh McManus

Darragh McManus

All you need to know about the week’s cultural highlights, in handy bitesize form. You’re welcome ...

50 SHADES OF GREY

WHAT: The movie of EL James' erotic novel.

WHERE: Everywhere.

IRISH PRE-BOOKINGS: 50,000 tickets.

EARLY REACTIONS: Better than expected.

BUT: There were reports of "angry" and "impatient" viewers who didn't like waiting so long for the sex scenes. Have they ever heard of the internet, you'd wonder?

SADO-MASOCHISTIC ELEMENTS: Listening to Jamie Dornan's attempt at a "Cork" accent on a US chat-show.

BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW: James's husband, Niall Leonard, is from Down.

DO SAY: Finally, women's sexuality is freed.

DON'T SAY: Those binds look as uncomfortable as I'm currently feeling.

SIX NATIONS

WHAT: The annual biff-bash-bosh-athon that is rugby's oldest competition.

WHERE: Ireland beat Italy 23-6 in Rome.

TYPICAL HEADLINE: Ireland Pound Italy Into Submission.

MISSED HEADLINE OPPORTUNITY: Scrum Kind of Wonderful.

GEORGE HOOK HAPPINESS LEVELS: Medium.

BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW: Ireland are second-bottom in the Roll of Honour.

DO SAY: The guys need to do their work-ons in terms of go-forward ball.

DON'T SAY: I can't follow any of this - and I don't think anyone can.

EUROVISION

WHAT: Australia is to enter next year's Song Contest, as part of 60th anniversary celebrations.

GEOGRAPHICAL CONFUSION: Yes, Oz is a billion miles away. But it already has Israel and Azerbaijan, so their concept of 'Europe' is fluid.

WHAT THEY SAID: "A daring and incredibly exciting move": Eurovision spokesman Jon Ola Sand.

IRELAND'S CHANCES: Reduced yet further by this.

BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW: Previous Aussie entrants include New Seekers, Gina G and Olivia Newton John.

DO SAY: You bloody rippah!

DON'T SAY: Australian music died for me when Men at Work broke up.

BETTER CALL SAUL

WHAT: Prequel/spin-off/whatever to Breaking Bad.

WHERE: Just started on Netflix.

ABOUT: Odious lawyer Saul Goodman, real name Jimmy McGill.

OTHER IRISH LINKS: Star Bob Odenkirk made a YouTube message to audiences here.

MENTIONS OF GUINNESS: Two.

BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW: Breaking Bad's 'Ozymandias' was named the best single episode of telly ever made.

DO SAY: This is so clever and meta-textual.

DON'T SAY: Which one's Walter White?

 

Irish Independent

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