MasterChef final TV review: Climaxed in a frenzy of herbs and hyperbole as Simon Wood wins
After weeks of deliberating, cogitating and digesting our rosy-cheeked judges – tired Geography teacher John Torode and shaved Scotch egg Gregg Wallace – finally crowned their MasterChef 2015 champion, as tonight’s finale climaxed in a frenzy of herbs and hyperbole.
But who made the grade? Was it steampunk villain Tony? Someone’s nice mum Emma? Or that bloke at work who talks about running a lot, Simon?
1920s magician/Arrest Development’s Tobias Fünke/the man from the side of a Pringles tube Tony could have become MasterChef’s first hipster champion since its inception, with his unique brand of "beautiful crazy loveliness". Tony, so hipster he was born in Gothenburg and did his VT in front of a vintage sewing machine, has pushed the cooking envelope all series long and vainly boasted (Oh, Icarus) that his three courses contained 36 different elements and 70 different processes! 70!
Whatever this meant, only he knows. Ultimately, wacky Tony’s k-razy diner didn’t seal the deal for Gregg and John, despite the latter being so moved by Tony’s dessert that he went into a rambling five minute monologue about childhood and growing up. You ok, John?
Next up to push dinner into John and Gregg’s chubby cheeks was Brighton-based Emma, with her Middle Eastern inspired dishes. Emma was so into the whole MasterChef process that she had lost all semblance of normal patterns of speech and could only talk in Wallace/Torode-isms. "I’m excited with a hint of nerves" she said.
They tried to inject an essence of drama into Emma’s story as she told the camera that she’d "been to breaking point" during the whole process. Cut to footage of Emma dropping a tray of sausages. And this is why we love MasterChef. Breaking point.
However poor Emma was doomed from the started, in editing terms at least, as from the word go Gregg was damning her with the faintest of praise, describing her cooking as "brave" and "heartfelt". This is MasterChef code for "not gonna win any Michelin stars, mate".
As always, to make sure we really get the point that the finalists are talented, John and Gregg drooled over every dish like a pair of stoners eating a Happy Meal. However, it was Oldham heartthrob Simon’s cooking that sent them into slightly frightening raptures. "Do you know why I love you?" spluttered John. Simon had no idea but his three courses of octopus, pigeon and "tarted up posset" had sent John and Gregg a little giddy.
"What this guy has learnt is lunacy" proclaimed Gregg, which we can only assume is a positive thing.
Congratulations then Simon, you make goof dinner.
Independent News Service