Sunday 4 December 2016

Flockstars, episode one, review: 'embarrassing'

Not even Alan Partridge would have come up with this reality TV flop, says Christopher Howse

Christopher Howse

Published 31/07/2015 | 11:31

From Liberty-Bell TV FLOCKSTARS Friday 7th August 2015 on ITV Pictured: The Flockstar cast (l-r, back row) Fazer, Amanda Lamb, Lee Pearson, Kelle Bryan and Brendan Cole (l-r,front) Lesley Joseph Tony Blackburn and Wendi Peters From the heart of the great British countryside comes Flockstars, a brand new primetime knockout competion for ITV. Hosted by GABBY LOGAN, a cast of famous faces will be swapping red carpets for green fields and the all-new palace of rural show business, the Flockstars Showground. Brace yourself as ?it?s time to release the sheep? (not to mention geese) and see which of the tweed-adorned talented stars will be able to adapt their skillset to master the most impressive of countryside sports. Competing in an intense eight-week knockout, the Flockstars include national treasure and DJ for over 50 years TONY BLACKBURN; former Eternal singer, KELLE BRYAN; professional dancer and sequined star of Strictly, BRENDAN COLE; multi MOBO award-winning FAZER aka RICHARD RAWSON; Birds of a Feather star, LESLEY JOSEPH; TV presenter and former Scotish Widow, AMANDA LAMB; acclaimed actress and Coronation Street legend, WENDI PETERS; and ten-time Paralympic Gold medalist, LEE PEARSON who has been honoured with an MBE, OBE and CBE. The most essential element will be the Flockstar?s ability to tightly bond with their professional four-legged partners and guide flocks of hilariously unpredictable sheep and geese around the specially designed, and increasingly tricky, competion courses. Trained and guided by three young, professional shepherd mentors from three corners of the British countryside, Welshman IOAN DOYLE, Scotland?s EMMA GRAY and England?s ED HAWKINS, our trainee triallers must fully embrace a new way of life as ?come bye?, ?lie down?, ?away? and ?walk on? become everything to succeeding, or crashing out of, the competion. Will this brush with nature become second nature to the Flockstars as they attempt to guide the animals around t
From Liberty-Bell TV FLOCKSTARS Friday 7th August 2015 on ITV Pictured: The Flockstar cast (l-r, back row) Fazer, Amanda Lamb, Lee Pearson, Kelle Bryan and Brendan Cole (l-r,front) Lesley Joseph Tony Blackburn and Wendi Peters From the heart of the great British countryside comes Flockstars, a brand new primetime knockout competion for ITV. Hosted by GABBY LOGAN, a cast of famous faces will be swapping red carpets for green fields and the all-new palace of rural show business, the Flockstars Showground. Brace yourself as ?it?s time to release the sheep? (not to mention geese) and see which of the tweed-adorned talented stars will be able to adapt their skillset to master the most impressive of countryside sports. Competing in an intense eight-week knockout, the Flockstars include national treasure and DJ for over 50 years TONY BLACKBURN; former Eternal singer, KELLE BRYAN; professional dancer and sequined star of Strictly, BRENDAN COLE; multi MOBO award-winning FAZER aka RICHARD RAWSON; Birds of a Feather star, LESLEY JOSEPH; TV presenter and former Scotish Widow, AMANDA LAMB; acclaimed actress and Coronation Street legend, WENDI PETERS; and ten-time Paralympic Gold medalist, LEE PEARSON who has been honoured with an MBE, OBE and CBE. The most essential element will be the Flockstar?s ability to tightly bond with their professional four-legged partners and guide flocks of hilariously unpredictable sheep and geese around the specially designed, and increasingly tricky, competion courses. Trained and guided by three young, professional shepherd mentors from three corners of the British countryside, Welshman IOAN DOYLE, Scotland?s EMMA GRAY and England?s ED HAWKINS, our trainee triallers must fully embrace a new way of life as ?come bye?, ?lie down?, ?away? and ?walk on? become everything to succeeding, or crashing out of, the competion. Will this brush with nature become second nature to the Flockstars as they attempt to guide the animals around t
From Liberty-Bell TV FLOCKSTARS Friday 7th August 2015 on ITV Pictured: Host Gabby Logan From the heart of the great British countryside comes Flockstars, a brand new primetime knockout competion for ITV. Hosted by GABBY LOGAN, a cast of famous faces will be swapping red carpets for green fields and the all-new palace of rural show business, the Flockstars Showground. Brace yourself as ?it?s time to release the sheep? (not to mention geese) and see which of the tweed-adorned talented stars will be able to adapt their skillset to master the most impressive of countryside sports. Competing in an intense eight-week knockout, the Flockstars include national treasure and DJ for over 50 years TONY BLACKBURN; former Eternal singer, KELLE BRYAN; professional dancer and sequined star of Strictly, BRENDAN COLE; multi MOBO award-winning FAZER aka RICHARD RAWSON; Birds of a Feather star, LESLEY JOSEPH; TV presenter and former Scotish Widow, AMANDA LAMB; acclaimed actress and Coronation Street legend, WENDI PETERS; and ten-time Paralympic Gold medalist, LEE PEARSON who has been honoured with an MBE, OBE and CBE. The most essential element will be the Flockstar?s ability to tightly bond with their professional four-legged partners and guide flocks of hilariously unpredictable sheep and geese around the specially designed, and increasingly tricky, competion courses. Trained and guided by three young, professional shepherd mentors from three corners of the British countryside, Welshman IOAN DOYLE, Scotland?s EMMA GRAY and England?s ED HAWKINS, our trainee triallers must fully embrace a new way of life as ?come bye?, ?lie down?, ?away? and ?walk on? become everything to succeeding, or crashing out of, the competion. Will this brush with nature become second nature to the Flockstars as they attempt to guide the animals around the complex course and walk away with the sparkling Flockstars Champion Shield? ? ITV/LibertyBell Photographer: Harry Page For furthe
From Liberty-Bell TV FLOCKSTARS Friday 7th August 2015 on ITV Pictured: Flockstars Shepherd mentors (l-r) Ed Hawkins Emma Gray and Ioan Doyle with sheepdog Hoggy From the heart of the great British countryside comes Flockstars, a brand new primetime knockout competion for ITV. Hosted by GABBY LOGAN, a cast of famous faces will be swapping red carpets for green fields and the all-new palace of rural show business, the Flockstars Showground. Brace yourself as ?it?s time to release the sheep? (not to mention geese) and see which of the tweed-adorned talented stars will be able to adapt their skillset to master the most impressive of countryside sports. Competing in an intense eight-week knockout, the Flockstars include national treasure and DJ for over 50 years TONY BLACKBURN; former Eternal singer, KELLE BRYAN; professional dancer and sequined star of Strictly, BRENDAN COLE; multi MOBO award-winning FAZER aka RICHARD RAWSON; Birds of a Feather star, LESLEY JOSEPH; TV presenter and former Scotish Widow, AMANDA LAMB; acclaimed actress and Coronation Street legend, WENDI PETERS; and ten-time Paralympic Gold medalist, LEE PEARSON who has been honoured with an MBE, OBE and CBE. The most essential element will be the Flockstar?s ability to tightly bond with their professional four-legged partners and guide flocks of hilariously unpredictable sheep and geese around the specially designed, and increasingly tricky, competion courses. Trained and guided by three young, professional shepherd mentors from three corners of the British countryside, Welshman IOAN DOYLE, Scotland?s EMMA GRAY and England?s ED HAWKINS, our trainee triallers must fully embrace a new way of life as ?come bye?, ?lie down?, ?away? and ?walk on? become everything to succeeding, or crashing out of, the competion. Will this brush with nature become second nature to the Flockstars as they attempt to guide the animals around the complex course and walk away with the sparkling Flockstars Cha
From Liberty-Bell TV FLOCKSTARS Friday 7th August 2015 on ITV Pictured: Sheep Dog Midge ( Amanda Lamb) From the heart of the great British countryside comes Flockstars, a brand new primetime knockout competion for ITV. Hosted by GABBY LOGAN, a cast of famous faces will be swapping red carpets for green fields and the all-new palace of rural show business, the Flockstars Showground. Brace yourself as ?it?s time to release the sheep? (not to mention geese) and see which of the tweed-adorned talented stars will be able to adapt their skillset to master the most impressive of countryside sports. Competing in an intense eight-week knockout, the Flockstars include national treasure and DJ for over 50 years TONY BLACKBURN; former Eternal singer, KELLE BRYAN; professional dancer and sequined star of Strictly, BRENDAN COLE; multi MOBO award-winning FAZER aka RICHARD RAWSON; Birds of a Feather star, LESLEY JOSEPH; TV presenter and former Scotish Widow, AMANDA LAMB; acclaimed actress and Coronation Street legend, WENDI PETERS; and ten-time Paralympic Gold medalist, LEE PEARSON who has been honoured with an MBE, OBE and CBE. The most essential element will be the Flockstar?s ability to tightly bond with their professional four-legged partners and guide flocks of hilariously unpredictable sheep and geese around the specially designed, and increasingly tricky, competion courses. Trained and guided by three young, professional shepherd mentors from three corners of the British countryside, Welshman IOAN DOYLE, Scotland?s EMMA GRAY and England?s ED HAWKINS, our trainee triallers must fully embrace a new way of life as ?come bye?, ?lie down?, ?away? and ?walk on? become everything to succeeding, or crashing out of, the competion. Will this brush with nature become second nature to the Flockstars as they attempt to guide the animals around the complex course and walk away with the sparkling Flockstars Champion Shield? ? ITV/LibertyBell Photographer: Harry Pag

When Alan Partridge suggested the programme idea Monkey Tennis, he did not go far enough. The idea of Flockstars (ITV), already known in our household as WTFstars, was simple: a jazzed-up One Man and His Dog. Stars, or at least TV celebs, competed in sending sheep round a simple (indoor) course by calling commands to a sheepdog.

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 The first competitors were Brendan Cole, 39, from Strictly, with his bitch Hoggy, two, versus Amanda Lamb (yes, I know, the name) from A Place in the Sun, in red wellies with a dog called Midge, taking turns to herd some attractive black Hebrideans (sheep). By all that’s woolly, I wept with vicarious embarrassment as if lemons had been stuffed into my sinuses.

Stars from future episodes were forced to watch the misery in the orange-floored arena. Lesley Joseph, Tony Blackburn, Fazer from N-Dubz, Kéllé Bryan and Lea Pearson CBE sat as though awaiting some Iranian hudud punishment.

Flockstars is not as evil as Channel 4’s Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners, which demeans people with a mental illness. Rather than belonging to the Bedlam school of television, Flockstars takes a piece of culture and screws it up.

Next month we’ll see StarLord’s, where teams of celebs learn to play limited-over cricket to loud music. In the autumn ParpStars begins, with special guest John Buttifant Sewel invited to break wind in the Whispering Gallery of St Paul’s Cathedral. Next year Sky at Night is replaced by RapStars, in which Dappy and Kanye West numbers are played to an invited audience in the former London Planetarium while Gabby Logan makes jokes about Uranus.

Until then it would be more interesting to stare at the stains on an old padded tea-cosy for 27 minutes than to be trapped into viewing the ovine F-word of all reality TV flops.

Telegraph.co.uk

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