Wednesday 7 December 2016

'You smell like my [deceased] grandfather' - 8 things we learned from First Dates Episode Two

Published 28/04/2016 | 22:30

'Flame haired' Laura on First Dates.
'Flame haired' Laura on First Dates.
Gemma Byrne
Mark Casey

Here are eight things we learned from First Dates episode two.

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We need to stop saying "cheeky Nandos"

"Party boy" Kias clearly has room for only one true love in his life (hint, their name is a four-letter word beginning with "K" and ending in "…ias"). That said, you could see the Nandos employee going off Ciara in real time as she bantered on and on (and on) about his "cheeky" place of work. If Kias received a euro for every occasion he heard someone use "Nando" and "cheeky" in the same sentence he might have been able to afford a better barber.

Gemma's laughter was like nail-gun through our ear-drums

The single mother was visibly full of jitters going into First Dates. But her skittishness turned thermo-nuclear as it emerged she and Mark had stepped out for a meal together years ago. She had perfect recall of the encounter; he smiled along as though too scared to admit he couldn't remember a single moment.

There are at least two people in Ireland named "Corey"

Bashful Belfast 20-something Melissa had already been on a date with someone named Corey. That didn't work out. Corey 2.0 seemed a much better fit, even if his chivalry shtick was…creepy. Also he sounded like Prince Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Not good.

Corey thinks Melissa is like a tasty burger….or something

Going into the date, Corey's hopes were not high. But he was made up as it became obvious he and Melissa were compatible. Or, in Corey-speak, it was the reverse of scarfing a burger that looks tasty but is a letdown. Here a man who has wasted many years in SuperMacs.

A little bit of Ciara died in those ten seconds in the lift with Kias

Stood up last week, returning hopeful Ciara was very much up for further dates with Nandos nabob Kias. He, however, didn't feel a spark – or was perhaps put off by the disquiet that flickered across Ciara's face as he casually inquired how many dates it would take for her to sleep with someone. 

Either way, she received nul points and was then required to squeeze into an elevator with the man who had spurned her. You cannot script that level of toe-curling. Here, First Dates Ireland leaves its UK forerunner choking on dust.

Who goes on a dating show when they aren't up for a relationship?

Dawn was more interested in glow-in-the-dark cocktails than meaningful conversation with an instantly-exasperated Alannah Rose. She rolled her eyes when asked if she had a favourite movie, tried to order from the kids menu and - ironic! -  bang on ad nauseam about how vile children are.  How many counselling sessions will it take likeable Alannah Rose to get over this car-crash?

Never tell a potential love-interest they smell like your dead grandfather

"Flame-haired" Laura from Maynooth was delighted that basketball star Conor was interested in seeing her again. Yet you could see the terror ripple arose his face as, in a moment of giddiness, she blurted that he smelt like her grandfather (deceased). Had she snapped defeat from the jaws of victory ? Twitter says…yes!

Not as good as week one but…  fine

Episode one roared onto our screens with terrifying Federica and that guy who looked like Jedward going to a fancy dress party dressed as Jedward. This week had less flash points, though it was funny seeing Kias and barman Conor McGregor  (probably not Conor McGregor) on the brink of sparring over Ciara  – whom Kias wasn't really into in the first place.

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