Simon was right to sack me from show - Cheryl Cole
Published 03/07/2014 | 08:00
Cheryl Cole has said Simon Cowell was right to sack her from the US X Factor - and that she "wasn't well in the head".
The singer (31) was left publicly humiliated when she was axed from the TV show just weeks into her high-profile job and before the series went on air.
"I can talk about this because I'm OK about it now. But I went through hell and it literally drove me mad", said Cole.
"I became so desensitised, you could say terrible things to me and I wouldn't even think about it.
"I'd read awful stuff about myself and not blink. I shut down because I didn't know what else to do.
"Now I can say Simon was right to get rid of me. I wasn't well in the head when that was going on, so it wasn't going to work. But he was right not to tell me to my face.!
The usually chic star, who raised eyebrows when she appeared with big hair and dressed in purple trousers and an orange frilly top on her first day of the US show, sent Cowell a text after she was dropped.
"F**k you, F**k Fox, F**k the orange and purple outfit. F**k the big hair. F**k the UK X Factor. F**k you all. I hate you," she wrote.
Cole, who is now back as a judge on the UK X Factor, revealed she felt as though she was having a nervous breakdown last year.
"It only hit me at the beginning of 2013 that I'd completely lost myself. I'd look in a mirror and think: 'Who the hell is she?'," added Cole.
"I didn't know what I thought or felt about anything, couldn't make decisions - I didn't even know what to eat or drink. Something was seriously wrong.
"It felt like a nervous breakdown. I had to stop, get out of my life I'd been living and find myself again. The consequences if I didn't were just too frightening."
The former Girls Aloud star, who divorced Ashley Cole in 2010, and is now dating French restaurateur Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini, said she is a stronger woman now.
"I thought I had every box ticked, career and personal. I was the first to get married. i was the one everyone thought would be the first to have a baby and then the rug got pulled out from under me," she said.
"I've learned that there is no such thing as a plan. You can't make them."
The singer, whose new single Crazy Stupid Love is out this month, added: "I'm just enjoying finding out who I am. That's good enough right now. I know I'm really lucky because none of what I've been through broke me.
"It actually taught me everything I'm going to need for the rest of my life. I love feeling that I'm strong because I have good women at my side. And I don't give a f**k what people think anymore."