Tuesday 6 December 2016

I'm A Celebrity 2015: The worst ever Bushtucker Trial, Spencer leaves the jungle, and 6 things we learned

Made in Chelsea lothario Spencer Matthews leaves the jungle after just two days, and the remaining contestants undergo the most revoling task ever

Published 21/11/2015 | 06:58

Jorgie Porter on 'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!'
Jorgie Porter on 'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!'
'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!'

Spencer's left the jungle, Crock Creek won I'm a Celebrity's "most disgusting trial ever", and could there be a love triangle in the offing? As the exiled "Snake Rock" grows in number and two separate camps develop, here's what we learned in Friday's deliciously gruesome episode.

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1. Was that really I'm a Celebrity's worst ever Bushtucker Trial?

I wouldn't have liked to be in their position as the two equal-ish teams - Crock Creek and Snake Rock - were tasked with downing a varierty of revolting bespoke cocktails.

 

Fantastically creative names included:

Bullinis (blended bull testicles)

Schlong Island Ice Tea (blended camel penis)

Chambrain (blended pig brains)

Tequila Bumrise (something's anus - emus? kangaroos? koalas? Something Australian, does it really matter? It's an anus)

Bloody Hairy (something spidery, that left a hair, or spider leg, at the back of Yvette's throat. Whatever it was, it lingered)

For those eager NutriBullet fans among us, recipes for all will no doubt pop up online promptly.

My money was on Vicky to excel in this task, and she certainly did, beating a dribbling Jorgie as she chugged her Schlong Island Ice Tea in super fast time, gag-free. She's no stranger to a drinking contest - we've all seen the woman pound the Jagerbombs in Floritas (haven't we?). Poor Vicky was punished anyway as somone pulled the wrong lever and sent her for a dunking. Live telly is, after all, live. And this was 8am for the poor mites! Never mind what they just drank - what on earth are they being dunked in? The cocktails were slimy enough. Crock Creek won out in the end, so the Snake Rockers will be sent for what is probably a rather gruesome punishment.

 

2. Could a Ferne-Jorgie-George love triangle be on the cards?

Oh dear, rom com fans among us cry out in dismay/joy as it was revealed in a confab between Vicky and Ferne that Ferne and George have indulged in some cuddles. CUDDLES!

“Ferne fancies George” teased Vicky.

“I really like him, like really like him, he’s really affectionate and tactile and always up for having a cuddle” said Ferne.

“So you’ve been having cuddles?” asked Vicky.

“We’ve had two.”

“When have you been sneaking those in?” asked Vicky.

What does this mean for the burgeoning romance between Jorgie and George? Jorgie tonight begged for Lady C to send George over to Snake Rock when she won the earlier Every Critter Counts trial.

I'm sick with worry - thank God Jorgie and her sensitive ears were safely tucked away in Snake Rock, even if she does possibly have an actual boyfriend back in the UK (we're not sure). George wouldn't be so fickle as to pass up such a wonderful pairing, with such scope for creative nicknames. Georgie? Jorge? Who knows! The opportunities are endless. It's not quite Brangelina, or even Speidi... But you can't go wrong with a bit of alliteration. It was something. Then again, we still have over two weeks to go, and could change teams - go Judas and root for Ferne. Either way, sparks are flying in multiple directions and we are on the edge of our seats. To be continued.

 

3. Spencer has left the jungle

In case you missed it (and how could you have?) here's a reminder: Spencer Matthews has left the building. Or the poorly constructed tarpaulin. There was not a single mention of him during tonight's show, save for a short disclaimer at the beginning from Ant and Dec, which was quite a sombre way to start things off, given the silliness that ensued. We know very little about what happened or why - we may never know - only that it was on medical grounds. We wish our best to Spenny, are very sorry that he's had to bow out so early, and know that he would have been brilliant value if he'd stayed longer. It is also disappointing for those reality TV addicts among us who were rooting for a Vicky-Spenny romance, but we will just have to revert to the wealth of Made in Chelsea-Geordie Shore fan fiction online for this. Perhaps we will write some of our own.

Who would be the best person to replace him? Overwhelming reader interaction has clearly crashed the poll as the current certain front-runner seems to be showing up in last place.

 

 4. Lady C can count her critters

In the new, very meta gameshow-within-a-gameshow Every Critter Counts (far less furry and amiable than it sounds), Lady C proved that her ability to judge how many rats are in her hands is SECOND TO NONE. Well, when competing with Jorgie and Brian. A handy skill if she ever finds herself transported to a plague-swept city of old, as she well might...

There were other interesting revelations as the task was underway:

"I think I quite like this" Jorgie announced, as she handled a writhing snake. Or rather, two writhing snakes. No comment.

Both Jorgie and Brian got it so, so wrong when guessing how many cockroaches had been poured onto them - we are talking out by thousands. So they remained in Snake Rock, hungry, but George was sent along at their behest to keep them company. Jorgie looked VERY pleased to see him (see above for possible disastrous consequences: he's been a-cuddling, people).

 

5. Susannah, Yvette and George joined Snake Rock

After Kieron and George went head-to-head in a ravine high-wire challenge was nail biting, possible ladies' man George reigned supreme and chose Yvette and Susannah to join him over at the barren Snake Rock.

It's turning into quite the party over there, as Susannah and Yvette, self-professed "best cooks on camp" feigned joy at the prospect of their life of sparsity and starvation. Turns out, main camp don't miss them too much as Ferne is a dab hand at roasting up an emu (a Sugar Hut delicacy, no doubt). As stated before, the Snake Rock crowd are in for punishment still, as they failed the Cocktails and Screams task - a double blow for those in the small team who had to chug twice. Now that there are two rival camps, could divisions emerge between them?

 

 6. Lady C won't ditch her jewels, and Vicky regrets having sex on telly

A few other nuggets taken away from tonight's proceedings: the campers are delighted that the ever-chic Lady C continues to sport her pearls despite, as many would consider, their total redundance in the middle of the Australian rainforest. Vicky, meanwhile, confided in Susannah in a heartening moment about her regret of having sex on TV. Susannah, surprisingly enough, wasn't too familiar with Vicky's background and hadn't seen the acclaimed series Geordie Shore, to which she owes her name. Vicky summed it up as "youth culture", which if you have seen Geordie Shore, is a rather damning indictment of the millennial generation. In spite of this, it was a touching moment of bonding between the women. We and everyone else love sharp-witted Vicky, she's already odds-on to win the series, Ladbrokes currently have her at 9/4. (Susannah, by the way, is at the bottom with odds of 50/1).

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