Thursday 19 October 2017

Jim-Jim Nugent: 'If you haven’t seen Fair City in the past year let me tell you everything you missed in one sentence'

Amilia Stewart on Fair City
Amilia Stewart on Fair City

Jim-Jim Nugent

Fair City is the greatest show on telly. Wait, that’s not what I meant, let me put that another way. Fair City is the greatest show on telly for someone like me who presents a breakfast show (FM104’s Strawberry Alarm Clock) and takes the proverbial out of well known TV shows. It is without doubt the soap gift that keeps giving.

Down through the years I’ve got great mileage from many memorable storylines.

Leo Dowling and his hand waving every time he speaks (even when his arm was broken they were flapping away), Dermot and Jo Fahy kicking poor Ben out of the room every time they want talk (“Ben love, why don’t you go up to your room and count your crayons again?”) and many other Carraigstown clangers.

Don’t get me wrong, the joke is on me because I’m a reluctant fan, I can’t give it up! The way I explain it to the listeners to the show is: “I watch Fair City… so YOU don’t have to!”

We’ve had many cast members in studio over the years for interviews and they seem to love the gentle slagging we give it… but nothing could prepare me for the big one.

The never-ending storyline of the Katy kidnapping comes to an end soon – or so they say. She was supposed to get out many times before but it never happened.

Ciaran, played by Johnny Ward with Katy, played by Amilia Clarke-Stewart in a Fair City scene
Ciaran, played by Johnny Ward with Katy, played by Amilia Clarke-Stewart in a Fair City scene

To almost quote Jennifer Lopez… “Don’t be fooled by the lack of a plot, she’s still Katy in her box”.

She’s been in that wobbly room for over a year, locked up by an increasingly frustrated Ciaran. Maybe he’s frustrated that Stuart Carolan stopped writing Love/Hate and he’s stuck in Fair City now, buying Tayto for his guest.

If you haven’t seen Fair City in the past year, firstly, well done, but secondly, let me tell you everything you missed in one sentence: Ciaran opens door of little room that Bosco used to live in, his eyebrows go up and down a good deal, he gives Katy a bag of crisps and a chicken fillet roll, she asks can she leave soon, he says he’s working on it and looks stressed, slams the door and the walls wobble.

That’s it. Every episode of Fair City pretty much since May 2016.

It gets better, not the storyline, but the reaction to the storyline. There is an ONLINE PETITION to get them to end the story and many many people have signed it. I imagine even Brian Keenan and Terry Waite would say to themselves “Ah here, not this again, how many bags of crisps does this girl need before they call it a day?”

The Box is lightweight, that explains the walls that move and it isn’t soundproof but Katy has never worked that out. All she’s had to entertain herself over the year has been a couple of books, a dvd player that’s broken and of course her scripts…

Ciaran enters box looking worried and stressed and a little confused.

Ciaran: Allrigh?

Katy: Eh yeah

Ciaran: Here’s some food I gotcha

Katy: Tanks….. when am I getting’ out?

Ciaran: I TOLD YA KATY, SOON ALRIGH?????!!!

(slams door)

(credits roll)

Will I be watching Fair City for the extended episode on Sunday night? Too right. We’ve all invested too much time to not see it out now. Will Katy be freed? Probably not. Will I be taking the hoop off it on Monday Morning? Oh yes indeed.

Jim-Jim Nugent presents FM104's Strawberry Alarm Clock weekdays between 6am and 10am.

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