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Friday 30 September 2016

Sticks and stones will never reach my bones

Published 18/05/2015 | 02:30

I've had my fair share of weight related insults over the years. Like the time a large lady gave me a dig and said 'sur we're fat and happy aren't we'. She might have been happy but I certainly wasn't at that moment. She's lucky she didn't get a dig back that brought her bulky frame to the ground. Or the time when, twice in fairly quick succession, I was compared to a very large well known person by two completely different people. It's more your sense of humour they assured me. I was not convinced.

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And then there was the time in a small boutique in a County Cork town I was directed to the larger sizes. 'Bigger sizes down the back' she said. She was a corpulent lump herself. I refrained from telling her and walked out. And then when a friend and myself were at a Munster rugby match and wandered in to a lingerie shop in Bilbao, the shop assistant called my friend, who is skinny, and said in a very loud voice 'tell your friend ve have nuting to fit heer'.

Now I'm not that enormous but when gormless gobshites pass remarks like that it's bound to take its toll. The fact that I've remembered them says it all. I'm sure there were many more over the years that I was probably too drunk to remember.

So I'm looking forward with anticipation to the day they will be saying 'Jesus, did you see Eleanor Goggin lately? Skin and bone, skin and bone, I say '. And if any one says I'm too thin and it's very ageing, I'll be dug out of them, as we say in Cork. I'm not saying this is likely to happen but I can dream.

I've just come back from a few days in Brittany so the diet was on a small bit of a back burner, but I did try to opt for the healthier options and shove the sauce to one side. I managed to avoid all the bread and nearly all the desserts. Just a few tastes to whet my desires. The alcohol was a different story. But I managed to lose two pounds while I was away! That's sixteen pounds in total. Yippee!!!

Sunday Independent

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