Monday 5 December 2016

People of the Year - from Rosanna Davison to Leo Varadkar

Pat Fitzpatrick

Published 21/12/2015 | 02:30

Rosanna Davison took a bit of a kicking. Photo: Kip Carroll
Rosanna Davison took a bit of a kicking. Photo: Kip Carroll
Paddy Cosgrave. Photo: Getty
David Cameron. Photo: Getty
Adele. Photo: Getty
Leo Varadkar.

As we reach the end of 2015, Pat Fitzpatrick has a look at five people who made the headlines and left their mark on the last twelve months

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1 ROSANNA DAVISON

Rosanna got a right kicking from the Food Nutrition community back in August. They were livid after some claims she made about gluten. Of course they've been very cranky since they gave up the red meat, vegetable oil and enjoying life. They said there was no scientific basis to back up her claims. We said there is a new report out every week saying we should/should not drink coffee. We said that under our breaths. You don't want to upset the Food Nutrition people. Very self-righteous.

2 PADDY COSGRAVE

Dear Lisbon, We hope you are keeping well. Because that might be about to change. One of our lads has moved his Web Summit down to you. This is a good thing for your city, particularly if you like closing roads and giving cheap bus passes to 18-year-old millionaires. We actually turned down such requests here in Dublin. Please don't tell the Germans. We'd hate to ruin our hard-earned reputation as a push-over nation. Yours, Paddy (not Cosgrave).

3 DAVID CAMERON

Dave kept quiet following allegations that he inserted his privates into a pig's mouth. He probably didn't want to put his foot in it. (Thank God, said the poor pig.) The privates-in-the-pig thing is an alleged initiation ritual of the Piers Gaveston Society at Oxford. Women aren't allowed to join this elite dining club. I'm not sure if this is because they would have trouble getting their privates into a pig. And I can't get the image out of my head.

4 ADELE

Do you know Adele's surname? Do you suspect it might be Richie? As in Lionel. Hello? Seriously Adele, it's very hard to enjoy a song that has any link at all to Dancing On The Ceiling. Her video raised some interesting questions. Like, "Who's that lady singing in it?" and "What have the Americans done with Adele?" Some say her ex-boyfriend must be delighted that Adele stopped writing songs about him. We say he could be a kept man living in California. Sweet.

5 LEO VARADKAR

Leo told Miriam O'Callaghan that he's gay in January. Hang on, so he's straight then, from February to December, says you, acting the eejit. We voted to allow gay marriage in May. The bill didn't get signed into law for six months. That's because it's hard to pick up a pen while clapping yourself on the back with both hands. We so went up in our own estimation. Don't be surprised if Irish people demand the right to marry themselves.

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