Thursday 29 September 2016

People are talking: Saoirse for the Full Gwyneth

Pat Fitzpatrick

Published 08/02/2016 | 02:30

Cover shot: Nobody puts our Saoirse in the corner - except for the mighty Vanity Fair.
Cover shot: Nobody puts our Saoirse in the corner - except for the mighty Vanity Fair.

The first thing to say about Saoirse Ronan's appearance on the cover of Vanity Fair is that she is on the edge of the photo. The second thing we should say is so are Jane Fonda, Helen Mirren and Diane Keaton. So she's in good company.

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The cover photo is, according to the magazine, a collection of 'Hollywood's Fiercest Women'. Fierce is actually a compliment in America.

It is in fact the Oprah for inspiring female role model. (Oprah has her own language now.)

Anyway, our fierce Saoirse has essentially been anointed as Hollywood royalty by Vanity Fair. The worry now is she could be lost to us. We're not saying she's impressionable. But Saoirse is after developing a strong Dublin accent for a girl from Carlow. (Kathryn Thomas did the same. What is it with Carlow people and their accent?)

You'd wonder how long before she goes all Los Angeles on our ass. We might not recognise her the next time she pops up on a chat show. She could well appear on the Late Late Show with a strange American twang. (A bit like the host, says you.) She might even be promoting her new one ingredient cook-book called Celeriac! This transformation is known as doing the Full Gwyneth.

It won't be just Saoirse who has changed. We will be different people too. Gone will be the proud, maternal pride we took in her success. In its place, is our old friend, the begrudger. That's a fierce worry. You wouldn't like us when we're begrudging.

Louis headin’ in the right Direction

Fair play to Louis Tomlinson of One Direction for finally proving that men can multitask. 

Unlike most new fathers, who are red-eyed with exhaustion, Louis is up, about and posing with his baby son Freddie whilst also helping his new girlfriend Danielle Campbell (who is not his Baby Mama) celebrate her 21st.

If Louis has time he might pass on some of his skills to his former bandmate Zayn Malik who appears to be having “scheduling conflicts”. 

This was the reason given when Zayn pulled out of an appearance on The Graham Norton Show at the last minute.  A few days later he failed to show up for a radio show, apparently giving only a half hour’s notice. 

Zayn needs to start handing out P45s.  If his staff can’t work out how to use something as basic as a calendar, that’s a poor show.  And if “scheduling conflicts” are the best excuse they can dream up for no shows — that’s worse.

Anne Marie Scanlon

Caitlyn's new Her-story

It was a konfusing week for dedicated Kardashaddicts. First we thought there was war between the klan and Kanye’s ex Amber Rose before Kim and her were pictured together looking as pally as ever. Then Caitlyn weighed in saying that contrary to what we thought all along Kris might have had an inkling that she — Caitlyn — was having gender identity issues back in the days when she was Bruce. How? Because Caitlyn’s breasts were already “a good 36B” when the pair met in the 1980s. The reality star (66) also insisted that Kris was aware of the situation and guidelines were created amongst the family. “The rules with Kris and I: Don’t dress up, certainly around the house. If you really need to do that, when you’re on the road, take stuff and do that. So I did that for years,” Cait told InTouch magazine in the US. Now to some all of this might sound objectionable but given Kris’s noted momager skills and terrific ability at knowing what the public wants before they even know it, we still think this counts as a fairly hands off approach. She would have guessed that there was no way for Bruce, as he then was, to parlay the whole gender transition into a reality TV brand at that point. A few decades on, transsexual-acceptance evolution and the skills of the Vanity Fair style team were what was needed. And, when all was said and done, the only really amazing part is that Kris let Caitlyn away with not using a ‘k’ in her new name.

Donal Lynch

Politicians are polls apart

You know how it is. You wait in all day for the plumber to arrive, only for him to ring up at the last minute and say: “Sorry, love, I’m running a bit late, it’ll have to be tomorrow now.”

That’s basically what happened to President Higgins last week. He reportedly cleared his schedule on Tuesday in anticipation of a visit from the Taoiseach to inform him of the dissolution of the 31st Dail. Instead it was Wednesday morning before Enda Kenny finally turned up. Two minutes later, it was all over, and the race was on.

The race amongst voters to lock and bolt all the doors to avoid having to talk to any of the candidates when they come a-knocking, that is. That’s the thing about politicians. We all moan about what they get up to in Leinster House, but at least it keeps them busy whilst we get to watch Fair City in peace in the evening.

There was uproar on the Opposition benches at the Taoiseach’s perfunctory statement bringing the curtain down on the last five years. Why, deputies demanded to know, had he scuttled off without giving them a chance to make long final speeches which might have bagged them a few minutes publicity on Six One News?

Er, I think the answer might be in the question there, lads.

Nor is the Irish election the only big event planned for February 26th. Also being chosen is Iran’s Assembly of Experts, a gathering of the wisest in their land. So nothing at all like Dail Eireann then?

Eilis O'Hanlon

Coldplay are not so Super ...

Certain music suits certain moments. The Last Post suits a funeral or a memorial very well, the Benny Hill theme music, not so much. Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On is a great choice when you’re having a romantic night in, but it’s not likely to go down well at your grandmother’s 96th birthday party. Music can not only capture the vibe of a moment, it can enhance it too.

Before Conor McGregor turned Jose Aldo’s lights out, he walked to the octagon to the The Foggy Dew mixed with Biggie Small’s Hypnotize. Rebellious and magnetic are two things McGregor certainly is, and the music reflected that perfectly. But pre-fight music is about more, it’s about stirring your anger, boiling your blood, and getting pumped up and ready to knock someone’s block off.

It’s why before any fight, rugby, soccer, hurling or Gaelic football match, you’ll find someone listening to Eminem or Metallica or NWA (I doubt it’s Taylor Swift that peaks Paul O’Connell’s manic aggression). Aggressive sports suit aggressive music, and there’s no music more aggressive than hard rock and hip hop, which is why it’s such a disappointment to see that Coldplay will play the Superbowl half-time show tonight. Not that Coldplay’s all that bad, it’s just that the light dulcit tones of  Fix You doesn’t quite suit American Football, a sport where gargantuan men tend to be intent on the opposite.

Christopher Jackson

Sunday Indo Living

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