People are talking: It's 50 Shades of another trilogy
Over several years, three sizeable and multi-billion dollar grossing volumes of fiction, the "inner goddess" of a young, imaginary woman called Anastasia Steele has been placed on a global centre stage.
Ms Steele's inner goddess has thrilled, drooled, jumped-up-and-down. It has on one occasion, been said to have "pole vaulted." Not to mention the time that it "did the merengue with some salsa moves." Ana's inner goddess, which we are led to assume is a personification of her sexual desires, is very active. Even despite the fact that Ana's inner goddess didn't make it into the movie version of the story - in which Ana was played by Dakota Johnson.
Perhaps it was an issue with the casting department. It's hard to imagine any working performer who possesses all the requisite "inner goddess" skills.
Except maybe Kylie Minogue, and perhaps she wasn't available. But Anastasia's tale ended with the conclusion of the final book in the trilogy Fifty Shades Freed, leaving her inner goddess out on a limb. Until now!
E L James has announced she is to revisit the story - this time from the perspective of the male character Christian Grey.
Though it's his version of events, it will presumably involve further encounters with Ana's hyperactive inner-goddess, who will no doubt have the chance to dance again.
Strewth ... we need Oz potato man over here
You flamin' mongrel!
That was our reaction to Grahame Morris this week. Grahame is a political advisor in Australia, where he decided to get stuck into us Paddies because we voted yes to gay marriage.
Grahame has a number of issues with us. The main ones, he told a TV audience, were that we couldn't grow potatoes and had problems pronouncing the word three.
In fairness, it was nice to see an Australian complaining about the Irish without mentioning a bunch of culchies puking their way across Perth. But you'd have to say his argument was pretty weak.
We never had any problems growing potatoes. Our main issue there is we didn't know how to grow anything else. As for pronouncing the word three, Grahame will just have to learn to live with dat.
Another problem with Grahame is that he might put Irish people off moving to Australia. We're screwed if most of the people who started the Leaving this week don't up sticks and move Down Under.
There is only one solution to our Grahame problem. Bring him over here. Can you imagine what Prime Time would be like if we added in a touch of Grahame?
A dreary report on the state of the French economy comes to life when he turns to Miriam and says; "Look mate, none of this would have happened if they stopped cycling around on bikes, eating onions and playing the accordion."
Come on, you'd tune in just to see how Miriam responds to being called mate.
Trans America poster girl Caitlyn
And lo, the venerable publication Vanity Fair did unveil its July cover. And there was much wailing amongst the glamourati for on the cover, was an aged woman! Not just ag ed but greatly aged, for she was a woman of sixty-years and five. And verily they said, "Repent! Repent! An old woman on the cover of VF is a portent of the apocalypse."
But before they took to rending their designer garments it was explained that the elderly cover girl was not just any ould wan but she used to be an old dude called Bruce.
Yes, Bruce Jenner of Keeping Up With The Kardashians has officially transitioned to Caitlyn. Within four hours Caitlyn had amassed over a million followers on Twitter and broken a record.
The great and the good were quick to applaud her "brave" move. Amongst the usual suspects - Miley Cyrus, Lena Durham et al even President Obama took time out of running the free world to tweet to Caitlyn "It takes courage to share your story."
True, no matter who you are, it does take courage to go through gender realignment and then go public. Caitlyn's bold VF cover has been hailed as a triumph for the Trans community, for the marginalised and the disenfranchised.
Really? A rich white American man (hence powerful) who became a rich white American woman (still pretty powerful) is representative of the powerless? This is no triumph for Trans people, this is a triumph for money, power, and, pardon the phrase, the 'old boy' network. This is no victory for the disenfranchised but one for those who can afford the best PR and better cosmetic surgeons.
Anne Marie Scanlon
When is a date not a date?
Call me suspicious, but all this talk of how there's not going to be an early general election is starting to make me think that there might just be an early general election on the cards.
I'm not saying official sources are telling porkies when saying that Fine Gael and Labour intend to go the whole way, if that isn't too disturbing an image; but when talking to politicians, it's always worth bearing in mind the famous adage once attributed to Jeremy Paxman: "Why is this lying b*****d lying to me?"
It looked nothing short of shifty last week as, one by one, Government TDs kept popping up to declare: "What? Going to the country early? Us? Certainly not! Whatever gave you that idea?" Methinks the gentlemen do protest too much.
The memo doesn't seem to have reached Labour's Eamon Gilmore, who announced this week that he won't be standing at the next election. Why the rush? The former leader's been a TD since Brian Boru was in short pants, and he's still got ages to go before all that needs to be settled ... or does he?
In Britain, they've got rid of this nonsense by passing the Fixed-Term Parliaments Act. Which is a shame really. Trying to second guess the date of an election is one of the few pleasures Irish journalists have left. Here's hoping the killjoys never take it away.
Ethnic dilemma for Emma
Poor Emma Stone. She probably thought 'acting' meant playing someone you're not. Little did she know, the rules are different when you're playing someone of a different race. Stone and director Cameron Crowe are being accused of crassness after Stone was cast in Crowe's new movie, Aloha, as an Asian person. How could a film as anodyne as Eat Pray Love about people who are boringly sensitive itself be so insensitive?
We get the point but the uproar made us feel very old. Is this what people are allowed to get annoyed about now? For most of our youth casting beautiful white people in everything was totally natural. If there were black people it was acceptable to shine a very bright light on their face until they looked almost white on camera (Whitney Houston) and there weren't really any Latin people on television at all except for Rosario, the maid from Will & Grace.
As for Asians there was only Lucy Liu. And, worst of all, teenagers were played by people in their late twenties. So perhaps because of all that cultural conditioning we can't really get our outrage going for Emma as a Hawaiian. But if they try to cast her as a Leaving Cert student just watch us picket that studio.
Build a bridge and get over it
The superstitious are wondering if it's a bad omen for their love lives. Who knows? Maybe the current dismantling of the lovers' padlocks on Paris' iconic bridge "Le Pont des Arts" won't affect the relationships of the couples who travelled across the miles to sign the locks, before clipping them around the metal railing on the bridge and throwing the key into the Seine, symbolising eternal love. However, a large number of tourists feel heartbroken about their love-locks being destroyed and are outpouring their sadness on Twitter with the hashtag #lovewithoutlocks.
Since 2008, an estimated one million locks have been hung on the bridge and the tradition is a huge draw for lovers. The locals don't feel the love quite so much, however. A 'No Love Locks' campaign was launched on Facebook by Parisians, and there was an attempt to persuade people to take selfies on the bridge rather than clasp a lock, but to no avail.
The situation came to crisis point last year when one of the metal grilles collapsed under the weight and fell into the Seine, so the council finally realised it needed to take drastic action. Now the panels will be replaced by 'padlock-proof' Plexiglas and couples will have to find a new way to symbolise their bond. Time for lovers to build a bridge and get over it, in the city of l'amour?
Sunday Indo Living