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Sunday 20 April 2014

Oxegen 09: The A-Z of Oxegen fashion

For festival followers who want to strut their stuff this year there are certain fashion laws to be kow-towed to. So get your wellies on early to study the A to Z of Oxegen fashion Dos and Don'ts. By Sinead Nolan

A is for Arbitrary Kate Moss outfits -- Will the real Kate Moss please stand up? The uniform of denim shorts, some Hunter wellington boots and an over-sized pair of sunglasses continues to baffle paparazzi, who have been thrown off the scent by clones too many times. "There she is.. no there she is.. hang on.. is that her by the burger bar? No it's just another clone."

B is for Barbour jackets -- If you can afford it. The wax jackets were a big hit at festivals in 2008, sported by Mylene Klass and friends. If advertising is to be believed they make you look 'chic and cosy', but for that price these jackets would need to cook you dinner and give you compliments too. It's hard to decide whether your dad's old poncho would be an acceptable swap...

C is for Crocs -- Don't. You'd be better off shoeless on the weather beaten surface of Carrantuohill. Even if your so-called friends are defending them "Ah, but they're so comfy", that's still no excuse. Tell them the crocs go, or you go.

D is for Darwin -- When Darwin came up with the theory 'Survival of the fittest' one can be sure he was talking about Oxegen festival. Whether the fittest in question was wearing a pair of sparkly sandals is debatable.

E is for Everyone loves dangly earrings -- Take a new spin on the native American theme in fashion at the moment and go for dangly earrings. Anything with feathers or peace signs is good. You shouldn't need to pluck an actual bird, many shops do sell ready made versions.

F is for Fur trimmed cloak -- Lily Allen made it cool, so anyone who's anyone will be wearing a fur trimmed cloak. And if they aren't, even more reason to buy one -- you will stand out in true Harry Potter style.

G is for Grease -- Dry shampoo is the festival gal's saviour. Even so, wash your hair at the last possible minute before you go. Showering can be more disgusting than not showering.

H is for Hat -- If you can't overcome the grease problem, find a large sombrero or a tent to hide behind. Well-built friends can double as obstruction devices, while you chill out to the sounds of Kings of Leon.

I is for Inebriated -- Be careful, ending up head-first in a wastepaper basket or scrounging for change while shoeless is not a good look.

J is for Jumpsuits -- One-piece rompers are all the rage -- they also mean you avoid 'builders crack'. But buy them baggy, too tight and you can end up looking like a giant baby.

K is for Ketchup all over your new clothes -- Oxegen is developing quite the gourmet reputation, but if you do remember to eat, chances are it will be a burger out of which will ooze ketchup. Consequently, this will end up all down your H & M fancies.

L is for Lost -- Guys, you thought you had your girlfriend, she was there just a second ago. You squint around through the sun -- she's nowhere to be seen and you can't get a mobile signal. Prepare in advance by bringing material to create smoke signals. Either that or buy her a florescent scrunchie.

M is for Make-up -- Penneys have a preposterously good range of make-up for less than a bag of chips. This gets kudos as you can lose it and not feel too upset. Do invest in good waterproof mascara, though, as it will rain at some point, and the 'punched in the face' look isn't in this season.

N is for Nooo! -- Accessorise wisely. Oversized Topshop earrings are lovely and losing them isn't the end of the world. But losing your grandmother's wedding ring in a mud brawl can be pretty upsetting.

O is for Oh, you're not serious -- Cardboard peeing devices for women so they can go standing up? Surely not. If you have a scrap of dignity left after a few pints, realise it for what it is ... a bad idea.

P is for Punk rockers, pink wellies, plaid and Peaches Geldof -- you get all types at a festival, so be proud of who you are.

Q is for Queue -- That's the queue for the mobile phone charging stand, the queue for the burger bar, the queue for the port-a-loo and the queue for your pint. Queue fashionably early to avoid embarrassing accidents.

R is for Really Bad Money Situ -- Since when did youth ever worry about a measly recession? It's time to forget it and enjoy yourself for three days. Oxegen toilets aside there's not a lot to dislike about the glorious festival. But how can you let loose? Animal print, PVC trousers and fairy wings that's how (tutus are an optional extra).

S is for Sunburn -- Bring suncream. It may give you a sweaty looking face akin to that of Christy Moore but it's better then looking like a lobster. Fact.

T is for Torrential Rain -- This is schizophrenic Ireland so prepare for it to be sunny, rainy and snowing all in the one day. Those bin liner macs are cheap and they make you look like a loser, but being soaked and getting hypothermia is not so cool either. There is always the option of brolly hats or clear plastic rain hoods... if you're into that kind of thing.

U is for Underwear -- Bring double the amount you should technically need. Drunken trips to the portaloo can go wrong and rain can leave you wet through. Also, turning day old undies inside out is definitely a no no. Boys are free to ignore this advice.

V is for Vanity -- A mirror really is essential for a girl. Try bringing a round one with a handle on it, then tie it to the inside-roof of your tent on a piece of string. Ta-da, privacy and two free hands to do your make-up and hair in the morning -- provided your tent doesn't blow away.

W is for Wellies without socks -- Unless you find a 20 minute tug of war with your own foot in the pitch dark 'a bit of a laugh' give socks and talcum powder the respect they deserve. Buy bright wellies to cheer up the muddy fields -- the brighter the better!

X is for Xcellent emergency kit -- Made up of chewing gum, plasters, wet wipes, hand sanitizer, loo roll, comfy sandals and diarrhoea tablets. If you're feeling really spicy you could add an inhaler and a first aid book. A GHD does not qualify as emergency material.

Y is for You're really fit -- If you successfully make it through the festival looking like a god/goddess, fair play to you. Maybe next year people will be copying your look.

Z is for Zen -- you may want everyone to see you as a cool New Age hippie, but when you come back to find your tent is a smouldering pile of clothes, then the incense sticks may seem like a bad plan.

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