In the 1970s pop fragmented, giving rise to a dozen tribes, each identifying with a particular star, sound or scene. There were skinheads, glam rockers, hippies, rastas, punks, mods, metalheads and a host of others, but the biggest worry of all were the Folk Mass kids.

The Folk Mass kids didn't worry their parents, but their peers. "Normal" teenagers shunned them as junior Stepford Wives with their Gilbert O'Sullivan tank-tops, acoustic guitars and neatly folded sheet music for Morning Has Broken.

We wondered what would ever become of the Folk Mass kids, and this week we found out. They rose within the teaching profession and the Department of Education, and took over the National Council for Curriculum and Assessment which has just unveiled its "rebalanced" Junior Cert music syllabus.

The songs chosen to grab today's teens could have blighted any bygone folk mass. They include John Lennon's Imagine, U2's Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, John Denver's Leaving On A Jet Plane, Simon & Garfunkel's Sound Of Silence and Ben E King's Stand By Me. And, by way of proving a Mass-spent youth doesn't make you unhip, there's also the theme from the box-office smash of 1977, Star Wars.

Well might we scoff, but if Department of Education officials were to smash in your front door late one night, would you be caught in possession of any of the criminal records in our Most Embarrassing Top 20?

1. America, America (1972)

This 1971 close-harmony debut seemed bound for nowheresville before a re-released version with Horse With No Name took off. In the desert, our narrator finds: "Plants and birds and rocks and things/ sand and hills and rings". The horse wisely demanded his name be erased from the credits.

Lame excuse: "It was my older brother's. He's still not well."

Guilt by association: Bread. REO Speedwagon. Styx. James Blunt. Air Supply ("The sound of eunuchs sobbing").

2. Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill (1995)

The ex-disco hoofer was to angsty guitar rock what Kenny Everett's Sid Snot was to the Sex Pistols. Before Jagged Little Pill, no-one had captured the sheer hell of a crushing PMT headache while trapped in a confession box on a bad hair day. Hit track Ironic proved she had no idea of the word's meaning. ("A traffic jam when you're already late." Huh?).

Excuse: "Leave me alone, you ... you ... man!"

Guilt by association: Sinead O'Connor. Janis Joplin.

3. Men At Work, Business As Usual (1982)

Business as usual for this Australian pub outfit was to demonstrate what The Police would be like if they were a million times more irritating and wrote songs about vegemite sandwiches.

Excuse: "We danced to it in kindergarten."

Guilt by association: Midnight Oil. Jason Donovan. Craig McLachlan. Rolf Harris.

4. Westilfe, Westlife (1999)

Louis Walsh in 1998: "I'm worried about Boyzone. They get slightly less cuddly every day. For their next album, could we put them in a coma?"

Producer: "Too late boss.The big one's just got a tattoo."

Walsh: "I've prepared long for this day. Defrost ... Westlife!"

Excuse: "It was like a coma oozing from the radio."

Guilt by association: Mariah Carey. Boyz II Men. Phil Coulter.

5. Gipsy Kings, Gipsy Kings (1988)

They called their music "Spanish flamenco and Romani rhapsody meet salsa funk", whereas it sounded more like a rabble of street buskers having a row. The perfect gibberish backdrop for a million upwardly-mobile dinner parties.

Excuse: "The Gypsy whats?"

Guilt by association: Los Lobos. The Mavericks.

6. Coldplay, X&Y (2005)

In the late 1990s, Capitol Records decided it was time for a new U2 album. Unfortunately U2 weren't on Capitol, so the label asked Coldplay to take care of it. It worked for a while, but a lack of meat in the diet told on this anaemic cold-cut.

Excuse: "They're kind to animals."

Guilt by associaton: John Gormley.

7. Moving Hearts, Moving Hearts (1981)

In polite society, the definition of a gentleman is someone who can play the accordion but doesn't. Moving Hearts were no gentlemen. They were a 1980s job creation scheme that sought to fuse the spirits of Bob Dylan and Bobby Sands, but instead grafted the head of a demented national school teacher onto the body of Benjy Riordan.

Excuse: "None. Just kill me."

Guilt by association: Red Square. Billy Bragg.

8. The Corrs, Borrowed Heaven (2004)

Upon its release, the critics judged that this was the most insipid, cloying and drably middle-aged album ever made by the Louth siblings. Fans responded: "Um, right so, are you saying that it's their best yet?"

Excuse: "Pat Kenny said they were great."

Guilt by association: Hi-5. Val Doonican.

9. Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (1986)

What is the point of Bon Jovi? To keep the stadium circuit ticking over between tours by the Stones and U2. The big hair changes ever so slightly, but the lone song remains the same. Music for dunces, that makes Bryan Adams look like Stephen Hawking.

Excuse: "Yeah! Rawk'n'Roll!"

Guilt by association: Van Halen. Nickelback. Aerosmith.

10. Jamiroquai. Emergency On Planet Earth (1993)

Put a Stevie Wonder impersonator in a studio with 50 virtuoso musicians, each playing a different tune at a different tempo and what do you get? This mess.

Excuse: "But they're so proficient."

Guilt by association: Level 42. Any badly scratched CD.

11. Chumbawumba, Tubthumper (1997)

You bought it for the single, ("I get knocked down ... ") and you learned that po-faced lectures aren't much fun.

12. Pearl Jam, Ten (1991)

They called it grunge, but it was actually sludge.

13. Siouxie & The Banshees, The Scream (1978)

A real punk band that really couldn't play their instruments. Or write a song to save their lives. Eric Clapton, all is forgiven.

14. Guns N' Roses, Appetite For Destruction (1987)

Normally, a screeching man in a kilt would be an object of pity. Briefly, that wasn't the case.

15. Kula Shaker, K (1996)

Public school boys with trendy haircuts jump Britpop bandwagon and have instant No1. What were you thinking?

16. Billy Ray Cyrus, Some Gave All (1992)

Remember line-dancing? The world's longest mullet? Achy Breaky Heart? Ask yourself honestly -- were you to blame?

17. B*Witched, B*Witched (1998)

A tomboy outfit so twee that even Louis Walsh wouldn't manage them. That bad.

18. The Darkness, Permission To Land (2003)

So, you thought it would be okay to listen to heavy metal so long as it was "ironic". Put it on now. Dare you.

19. Jeff Wayne, War Of The Worlds (1978)

The involvement of Phil Lynott and Richard Burton couldn't disguise the fact that this huge hit was a sub-standard school play with extra Martians.

20. Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks (1989)

Ireland's favourite artist of the 1990s. Be ashamed, be very ashamed.

- Damien Corless