Adele: There’s a fat chance of a sensible fashionista
IF THERE was a spare ounce of fat in the fashion world, Karl Lagerfeld’s recent comments might have sent ripples through it. But there isn’t, so it is up to us "civilians" to shake our not-very-pretty-little-heads at his assertion that the singer Adele is "fat".
The German Chanel designer conceded in a French newspaper that the 23-year-old Brit, below, had a “divine voice” and a “beautiful face”, but his praise was followed by the caveat that “she is a little too fat”.
Zut alors! A human who weighs more than a cup of sugar who has talent and a nice visage? Ze world is wobbling like the bottom of a woman with a size 14 figure.
Adele – who will perform at Sunday’s Grammys, where she has been nominated for six awards – should not worry too much.
She is in good company. Lagerfeld also took a pop at the Queen. According to the fashion maven, our monarch looks like “a more smiley version of her grandmother” and our Royal family is “totally unnecessary”. (As the designer of £1,200 handbags, one supposes he is something of an expert on “totally unnecessary”.)
According to Lagerfeld, all Russian men are ugly, while Greeks are corrupt. He added that “people in magazines are 50 per cent bimbo, and 50 per cent pregnant women”. I think this is meant as an insult. Pregnant people, you see, tend to get fat.
But the really large thing here isn’t actually Adele – it’s the gulf between the fashion world and the real one.
There has been “outrage” at Lagerfeld’s comments, but to be outraged at anything he says seems like a big fat waste of time, a bit like taking a tantrum-throwing child seriously. Fashion people want to get noticed – that is why, à la Lagerfeld, they wear silver jackets and leather gloves and sunglasses inside, even when, à la Lagerfeld, they are 78 – which leads them to say silly things. Giving them the slightest bit of notice just furthers their belief that they are above us mortals, with our love handles and flabby thighs.
Lagerfeld is a man who recently designed an India-inspired collection for Chanel, without ever having been to the country.
He said that it was “much more inspiring not to go to places than to go”. He once announced that “nobody wants to see curvy women. You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.” (In the hollow world of fashion, anybody above a size six is fat.)
He believes that “sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants”.
The average fashion person has about as much grey matter as a neon legging. To wit: Kate Moss, who once said that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”.
Or John Galliano , who announced to a bar that he loved Hitler. God forgot to give them brains, so he gave them silly clothes instead.
I bet I know which one of those Adele would rather have.