Sunday 22 January 2017

The top 10 most confusing movies

Declan Cashin

Published 28/07/2010 | 05:00

Have you had your head melted by the new 'sleeper hit' movie Inception yet? If you think the Leonardo DiCaprio-led dream-world thriller is tough to follow, then it might be wise to steer clear of the following list of puzzling pictures that have just been voted in an online poll as the top 10 most confusing films ever made.

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But fear not, for below we have your easy-to-follow guide to the plots of the most baffling flicks of all time. Unless, of course, we're so confused that we don't understand them either, and will only serve to muddle things even further.

It goes without saying -- lest there's any, em, confusion -- that the following contains some major plot spoilers.

10 A Clockwork Orange Violent, 'Singin' in the Rain'-spoiling bad-egg Alex is sent to jail, where he undergoes an extreme form of aversion therapy to make him puke during sexy time and when he hears Beethoven.

He's released, gets beaten up, drugged, and rescued. Ends up securing a cushy government job in what seems to be a permanent go-slow, dream-like existence. A wildly inaccurate portrayal of the civil service, you'll agree.

9 Revolver Guy Ritchie-Ciccone tale about confidence trickster Jake, who deploys a lucky 'formula' he learned in jail to win big in a few casinos.

Jake does some more jail-time, before a group of weirdos start talking about 'premature enlightenment', and how he must learn to do the opposite of what his ego says.

Turns out it was just Madge trying to convince Guy to join Kabbalah.

8 2001: A Space Odyssey A prehistoric ape throws a bone up into the air that segues to a galactic nuclear weapon in the next scene.

Cut to a spaceship where there's a creepy computer with an evil mind of its own -- no, not named iPad, but HAL -- who messes with an astronaut's head. Ends with a giant foetus in an orb of light floating next to Earth.

Just smile, nod, and say, "It's all about evolution and, like, science, man."

7 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Jim Carrey meets Kate Winslet on a train for the first time . . . or does he? It turns out they actually went out with one another before, and that following a nasty break-up, they both paid to have their memories wiped.

If you're bewildered already, wait until Katie Price and Peter Andre undergo the same procedure on their new reality show, A Whole New World Innit . . . Or Is It?

6 Twelve Monkeys Bruce Willis is sent back in time from an apocalyptic future to figure out why everything went pear-shaped, like an Oireachtas committee trying to make sense of the Irish banking meltdown.

Whilst in an asylum, he meets a crazed Brad Pitt, who, judging by his distressed state, we can only assume has just seen the final cut of Mr and Mrs Smith for the first time.

5 Memento That nice boy from Neighbours has a form of amnesia where he can't store any new memories (known by medical professionals as the Jagermeister Effect).

The end of the story happens at the start, and from there, Neighbours guy Guy's investigation into who killed his wife is shown in reverse order. It ends/starts with Ralph from The Sopranos getting whacked yet again.

4 The Matrix Revolutions Keanu/Neo is rescued from limbo. Agent Smith becomes Super Agent Smith.

In Zion, the Sentinels are breaking through the walls (yawn). Someone lets off an EMP. Neo and Trinity reach Machine City, where she is killed. Neo makes a deal to end the war and defeats Smith.

Neo is then taken away by the Machines so that the malfunctioning Keanu Reeves model can be reformatted and reprogrammed with an inbuilt acting hard-drive.

3 Donnie Darko Giant rabbit tells teen Donnie that the world will end in 28 days. A jet engine from the future crashes through his roof. Donnie's girlfriend is later killed.

A storm at the end causes the jet engine crash from the start of the movie, and Donnie dies. But we learn his girlfriend is alive and that she never knew Donnie.

It's all about a 'Tangent Universe', where an alternate world splits from, and threatens to destroy, the real world unless someone can put a stop to it. Kind of like Dail Eireann.

2 Mulholland Drive Wannabe actress Naomi Watts helps amnesiac bird piece together what caused her memory loss, finding time to lock lips and engage in Sapphic rumpy-pumpy (oh calm down, you at the back).

Space doesn't permit to explain much more, but it seems most likely that the first half of the movie is one woman's dream and the second half is her grim reality.

Or else it all takes place in a parallel universe where Kidman lookalike Naomi Watts marries Tom Cruise and records a duet with Robbie Williams. Oh the horror!

1 Vanilla Sky Tom Cruise is a rich dude who is disfigured by his ex Cameron Diaz for getting off with Penelope Cruz (remember this is the movie's plot, not reality, though with Cruise you never can tell).

He later kills Penelope because she starts looking like Cameron. Tom is living in a lab-based lucid dream that's morphed into a nightmare.

He's instructed to jump from a tall building so that he can wake up, and escape back to reality. In unrelated news, Katie Holmes has apparently developed a keen interest in LA skyscrapers.

Irish Independent

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