Kirsty at Large: Brace Euro self - we're in for a bumpy ride
Published 12/06/2016 | 02:30
And so it begins. The Olé Olé chants. The wall charts. The vuvuzelas. The nostalgia for Italia 90. The sticker books. The never-ending post-match analysis. The Roy Keane tantrums. The dreadful, dreadful songs. Yes, it's the Euros.
If, like me, you just don't get football, then I'm afraid the next month is looking bleak.
Soccer will dominate all conversation for the next four weeks.
Any time you're at a party or in a pub and there's the slightest lull in conversation, you can be sure of one thing - it will be filled with football banter.
The last time the Euros were on - back in 2012 - I was sent to Poland with some seasoned sports journalists.
My editor thought it would be a hilarious fish-out-of-water tale, and I would return to Ireland with a new-found love of the beautiful game. Didn't happen.
Having wandered around Gdansk, Bydgoszcz and Posnan, I came back certain of only two things: 1) I definitely didn't get football, and 2) if you want low-cost veneers, then Poland is your only man.
So, the next few weeks are going to be tough.
But we can get through this together. We just have to approach the contest from a different angle - focus less on the pitch and more on Olivier Giroud's beautiful face or Sergio Ramos's thighs (google them).
If all else fails, just nod politely and remember that come July 11, you'll finally be free and don't have to pretend you understand the offside rule. Until the Premiere League starts back again.
Rachel Stevens proves there really ain't no party like an S Club party
Queen of 1990s and 2000s pop cheese Rachel Stevens was in town this week for the launch of the Dubai Duty Free Derby.
While she wanted to talk about frocks and flutters, I was more interested in hearing about her S Club 7 glory days - and whether or not she had ever got in a backstage fight with H from Steps.
"I think people have such happy memories of S Club," she said.
"It was a great time of my life - which is why I never mind talking about it."
And then she promptly stopped talking and sauntered off.
Which was a shame, as I was looking forward to hearing if Joe O'Meara was still going with the flow.
Anyhoo, the roof of the Marker Hotel was packed full of women in precarious-looking fascinators and cocktail dresses talking about the Curragh and the secret to securing the Best Dressed prize.
Musician Mundy looked slightly out of place as he strummed his guitar and belted out his 2002 hit 'July'.
"I wonder if he ever gets tired of playing that?" one guest mused.
2fm DJ Eoghan McDermott was more focused on hitting the festival scene than chatting about runners and riders.
"I'm only bringing socks and toothpaste - and perhaps a second pair of underpants," he said. Ladies - try and restrain yourselves.
Eoghan, who works on the Voice of Ireland, said he's unsure if the talent series will be hitting our small screens again this autumn.
"But no news is good news."
Fingers crossed RTÉ will make the right decision and hurl those revolving chairs deep into Montrosia's vault alongside the set of Craig Doyle's short lived The Social.
Hector O'hEoghain darted about the place while designer Helen Cody spoke about her new couture collection which will launch in September.
Glasses of pink champagne were handed out and everyone tucked into pork belly bites.
As I left, one lady crammed into a selfie alongside Rachel, shrieking: "There ain't no party like an S Club Party!"
The pop princess nodded. It sounded like the start of a long night.
Drum roll, please! And the award for the most-staged photo-shoot of 2016 goes to this “candid” shot of model Jane Lyons knocking about St Stephen’s Green in the sunshine. The Tipperary native is papped as she casually wanders about the Dublin park — wearing nowt but a blush pink bikini. The way you do...