Friday 21 October 2016

I'm beyond cranky with no drink in my hand

Eleanor Goggin

Published 16/11/2015 | 02:30

Eleanor Goggin: cantankerous without drink.
Eleanor Goggin: cantankerous without drink.

I'm a cantankerous person. Without drink that is. I'm discovering more and more about myself as the weeks without alcohol crawl by. People irritate me. People who have drink taken, that is. The repetition is beyond belief. I find myself wanting to scream "You told me that before, dickhead". Staying in is an easier option at this stage.

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I was at two social functions during the week. On the first occasion, I took the car, collected two friends, thus removing the temptation to break out. If I had just driven myself, I could have bummed a lift home and collected the car the next day, but if I brought people, well then I had to get them home.

Of course I had to explain to everyone that I was off the drink. If I had shut up I mightn't have been so aware of my plight. Someone suggested I put the alcohol on a plate and then it wouldn't be a drink. Maybe I could eat it with a spoon. Others wondered if I was having sneaky ones at home. Nobody was really swallowing the fact that I don't actually drink at home. It would appear that everyone else drinks at home. Among my coterie of friends, that is.

On the second social occasion I found a friend who is also off the gargle and stuck by his side all day. I asked the bar person if she had non-alcoholic wine. She nearly collapsed in front of me. "Is there such a thing?" she asked. So we both drank non-alcoholic beer. It's vile. It looked and tasted like floor cleaner for wood. I have never tasted floor cleaner for wood but I can imagine. I managed two and a half bottles and at least I felt more included.

I'm just hoping this whole abstinence thing will get easier and my humour will improve. Now I do feel a bit more energetic and I'm trying to clean my whole house from top to bottom, which is an unusual undertaking for me. I can also go home, watch my iPad to catch up on TV programmes in bed and actually remember what happened in them the next day.

TIP: Bring the car and offer others a lift

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