'You did okay for a shower of thicks' . . .
Kathleen Doyle has written a moving memoir about growing up in impoverished 1950s Dublin. Declan Cashin meets her
Fond memories: Kathleen Doyle, author of What Would Ma Say? Photo: Jean Curran
Tuesday May 12 2009
Kathleen Doyle was born in a tenement in Christchurch in Dublin, before moving with her parents and 11 siblings to Crumlin.
As the eldest girl in the family, Kathleen helped to raise the family as her parents worked all manner of jobs to make ends meet. Her mother Lil, in particular, loomed large over the family, the quintessential "Irish mammy" with a quick wit and even quicker temper, who held the family together and kept the wolf from the door.
Now aged 61, Kathleen lives in Tallaght with her husband Alan McGrath, and has three children, three grandchildren and one great-grandchild. Kathleen talks about growing up in Dublin in the 1950s and '60s as recounted in her new memoir What Would Ma Say?
"I never set out to write a book. I wanted to write down my own memories as a history for my family, and once I started, it just flowed out of me. It started off with my grandchildren. I'd be showing them my old black and white pictures, and then they'd ask me to tell them a story about what it was like growing up. I'm lucky that I have a great memory.
"I always say to people they should ask their parents about when they were young. I'd love to know: the only person I can ask now is my mam's sister, but she's very old and doesn't really remember.
"The city I describe in the book will seem like a different planet to young people today, even though it was only 50 years ago. Ireland is completely different now, for the better. When we were growing up, we had absolutely nothing. All of my family have done really well. Mam put that drive in us to never be as poor as we were as kids.
"When we moved to Crumlin, there were 14 of us living in a two-bed house with just one toilet. I shared a bed with five of the younger kids until my wedding day aged 17. I suppose that's why there's a really strong bond between all of us.
"My brothers and sisters all enjoyed the book, mainly because there's an awful lot they didn't know.
"I wrote the book as a tribute to my mam and all she did for us. She was a real character. She had a terrible temper. I tell one story in the book about how she once knocked over a closet on my dad during an argument. She wasn't afraid of anyone.
"I don't think women of my mother's generation dared to have dreams or expectations. I think they just lived day to day. With my mam, she was just happy once the rent was paid and she was able to put food on the table. It was all about us kids. I never remember her getting presents.
"As we got older, we spoiled her rotten. For example, she pawned her wedding ring back in the day and never got it back. So the first thing my late brother Phil and I did when we got a job was to buy her a wedding ring. I remember her crying when we gave it to her. Mam lived until she was 84, and after she died last year I started wearing that ring.
"I think I'm quite different to mam. My two daughters told me that they understand me so much better after reading the book. I never let a day go by where I don't give them a hug or tell them I love them. I suppose it's because we didn't get it. The love was there, but it just wasn't shown. I think it's important to let your feelings be known to your children. It shows in them.
'I was very close to my Dad. He was very like the men of those times: they liked a pint, and they handed up so much of their wages and that was it. Whatever his flaws, my dad was never out of work.
"He worked until he was 67, still sweeping the streets for the council. He died aged 70, so never got the chance to relax after working hard all his life.
"I was very seldom in school. I was the eldest girl so my parents relied on me to look after the others. When I left school, I could barely write my name. I lived with not being able to read or write properly for a long time, but then I just said to myself. 'I'm never going to learn if I keep this up'. So I asked for help, and I taught myself, with a hand from my husband Alan.
"I met Alan when I was 14, and we're still the best of pals after 46 years. I write in the book about how innocent I was about sex when I first got married. I wasn't stupid, but I was very sheltered.
"I didn't go out and didn't mix. I'd heard a few things in the toilets in work about sex, and I nearly fainted when I heard them.
"I was terrified, and I was very shy. Alan was too, but he was able to hide it better because he was a fella. We got over it though!
"Mam lived long enough to see the Celtic Tiger, and she'd often turn around and remark how great it was that people now had so much. She was very proud of all of her kids. As she used to say, 'you didn't turn out too bad for a shower of thicks'. She was never one to watch her words."
What Would Ma Say: A Dublin Memoir is published by Poolbeg and is out now priced €13.99
- Declan Cashin
