Monday 26 September 2016

Come again? Some of the worst lines in 'Grey'

Published 21/06/2015 | 02:30

Author EL James poses for photographers before signing her new book, Grey, at a Barnes and Noble bookstore in New York, on Thursday (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)
Author EL James poses for photographers before signing her new book, Grey, at a Barnes and Noble bookstore in New York, on Thursday (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

We've read through it so you don't have to - here are some of the worst lines from EL James' new Fifty Shades of Grey book, 'Grey', written from the perspective of BDSM-loving billionaire Christian Grey.

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"My green car is fuzzy. Covered in grey fur and dirt. I want it back. But I can't reach it. I can never reach it. My green car is lost. Lost. And I can never play with it again."

"Her eyes widen. They really are beautiful, the colour of the ocean at Cabo, the bluest of blue seas. I should take her there."

"But why England? I ask her. 'It's the home of Shakespeare, Austen, the Bronte sisters, Thomas Hardy. I'd like to see the places that inspired those people to write such wonderful books.' It's obvious this is her first love. Books."

"She has a fresh, wholesome fragrance that reminds me of my grandfather's apple orchard."

"She regards me dispassionately and regret flares in my gut."

"She's an incurable romantic who loves the English classics. But then so do I, for different reasons. I don't have any Jane Austen first editions, or Brontes, for that matter, but I do have two Thomas Hardys."

"'You sound like the ultimate consumer.' Her judgmental retort from the interview comes back to haunt me. Yes, I like to possess things, things that will rise in value, like first editions."

"Dude. I need to get out of Seattle this weekend. This chick is all over my junk and I've got to get away."

"My voice carries, cold and sinister, in the relative quiet, while I struggle to contain my anger."

"I take one bite of tuna to assuage my hunger, then reach for my pen. I've chosen a quote. A warning. I made the correct choice, walking away from her. Not all men are romantic heroes. I'll take the word 'men-folk' out. She'll understand."

"I have never slept with a woman. I've f----- many, but to wake up beside an alluring young woman is a new and stimulating experience."

"She's oil on my troubled, deep, dark waters."

"Her hair is beautiful. Lush. Long. Thick. Idly, I wonder what it would be like to braid."

"For all her maladroitness, she has a beautiful neckline."

"A sauvignon blanc would be a good icebreaker. Pulling out a serviceable Pouilly-Fumé, I watch Ana peer through the balcony doors at the view."

"Mr Grey, there's an issue with the Darfur shipment."

Sunday Independent

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