Wednesday 20 September 2017

Kirsty Blake Knox – I’m a Celeb Day Four

Joey Essex
Joey Essex

Things got hot, hot, hot in the jungle last night.

Model Amy Willerton finally had her ‘Myleene moment’; stripped off and dousing herself with ice cold water.

Joey Essex flirting technique leaves a lot to be desired but it seems Amy is falling for his dopey smile and gormless expression.

The Beauty queen gave Joey a rub down (steady!) after he complained about having an sore neck. "That feels nice," Joey said as he massaged his trapezius muscle.

But it was too much for Olympian swimmer Rebecca to take.

“I can’t take the sexual tension anymore,” she shouted. “It’s so awkward for me and Steve just sat here watching you two. I feel like I’m watching porn with my parents.” Alright love - calm down.

And Joey needed a little TLC after going head to head with Matthew  in yet another Bushtucker Trail.

Up to Your Neck involved the two lads standing in giant egg timers - the way you do - while they were slowly filled with an assortment of crickets, millipedes, crabs and meal worms.

To quote Joey it was “proper creepy sick”. It went to another dead heat but Matt couldn't compete with Joey and the Essex boy was victorious again after guessing when one exactly minute had passed. Ironic given he can't tell the time on an analogue watch. "I told you I was good at counting,” he said proudly after the task.

Poor old Matt - he got a cricket stuck in his ear and returned to the camp empty handed once again.

Joey's witticism are fast become highlights of the show. And last night he admitted that he had never mastered the art of blowing his nose.

I can’t do it. Honestly, I’ve never been able to do it,’ insisted Joey. ‘Things that you don’t really need to know, I don’t really know."

‘I learnt to do my laces because obviously I needed to tie my laces for the rest of my life, but blowing your nose, you don’t need to do it the professional way, say, you can just do it the Joey way.’

When it comes to camp clashes, Croc Creek weren't holding up so well in the camp clashes, having basically lost every task going.

But our very own Kian Egan beat Joey in a Hang About task that involved hanging onto punching bags over a river. Kian was one calm and cool customer while Joey flaled about on the bag and pretended to be a monkey.

And boy did his Croc Creek camp mate couldn’t thank him enough for their top nosh dinner of kangaroo.

They sang out loud, wept and compared the grub to sex. “That was orgasmic,” Matt said. “I hope some stays in my teeth so I can taste it later,”  Lucy added.

The two teams were merged together last night and will now live happily ever after in Croc Creek.  Well almost - “It’s our camp - they’e our visitors,” fashion designer David Emanuel said. Saucer of Milk! Hopefully there will be plenty of bitching and banter.

Poor Joey has been nominated for tonight's task' being submerged in a tank of goop, gunge, water and rats. We don’t envy him much.

We should feel sorry for him but there’s something so satisfying about watching him squirm and struggle in that jungle heat.

Online Editors

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