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Saturday 10 December 2016

Cruising the high seas is a viable alternative to the nursing home

Joe Barry

Published 12/08/2015 | 02:30

Wide blue yonder: Some elderly couples find it makes economic sense to sell their home and spend their remaining years on cruise ships
Wide blue yonder: Some elderly couples find it makes economic sense to sell their home and spend their remaining years on cruise ships

At this time of year businesses tend to shut down and like our politicians, many people take time off and maybe enjoy a lengthy holiday.

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Unless you are a tillage farmer, life slows down and even meat factory quotes can be hard to come by as sales drop off and summer heat is blamed for the poor demand for beef and lamb.

Newspapers struggle to find headlines to attract readers and daft stories tend to circulate giving the month of August the title 'the Silly Season'.

Food is always a good topic for when news is scarce and I must admit that I find it extraordinary that we import hundreds of millions of chickens in to Ireland in the form of fillets or other cuts from as far afield as Vietnam yet if you change the meat in any way, like covering it in breadcrumbs for deep fat frying, it can be sold as Irish.

I refuse to eat chicken unless it comes direct from an Irish organic producer. It costs a bit more but it is surely more important to be confident of the purity of what we eat than to worry about the possible dangers of food additives and other substances pumped into carcasses to bulk up their weight.

I love the tales of the elderly couples who found it made economic sense to sell their home and spend their remaining years circling the globe on world cruises.

Apparently this can work out cheaper than staying in a nursing home. The medical care available on luxury cruise ships is first class, the food is excellent and you can live out the remainder of your years in affordable luxury.

Or the Canadian retirement plan which proposed swopping the residents in nursing homes with those in prisons.

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This suggested that pensioners would be far better off in jail, with benefits such as constant video monitoring so they could be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.

They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, free access to showers, hobbies, walks and medical treatment and they would actually receive money instead of paying it out.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their room and they would enjoy family visits. Legal aid would be free and they would have access to a library, gymnasium, spiritual counselling, games and education.

They would live in private, secure rooms with an exercise outdoor yard with gardens and clothing such as shoes, slippers, pyjamas also provided free. They could also have a PC, TV, radio and daily phone calls if they required them.

Once moved to a nursing home, the criminals would get cold food and be left all alone and unsupervised for most of the time. Lights would be turned off at 8pm with showers once a week if they were lucky.

They would live in a tiny room and pay a small fortune for the privilege with little hope of ever getting out.

Facelift

Then there was the story of a 65-year-old woman who had a heart attack and was rushed to hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God replied, "No, you have another 33 years to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck along with new teeth and a change of her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

While crossing the street on her way home after being released from hospital, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't recognise you!"

Enough silliness, have a great August!

jbarry@ independent.ie

Indo Farming



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